### Introduction **Ela:** Welcome to the podcast. I'm your sometimes host Ela and today I'm joined by Dalena Wallace. Dalena is amazing. She has children that she homeschools. She's actually been quite involved in lots of alternative education movements. So today we're going to chat a little bit about that - why she homeschools, what she actually considers herself. I know that you've dabbled in micro schools. I know that you've dabbled in homeschooling itself. So just how you put all of that together and mix and match. And you also do a lot of work in the innovation space and helping people to think outside the box when it comes to education. So very excited to have you on. Thank you for being here. **Dalena:** Thank you, Ela. I'm happy to be here. ### Why She Started Homeschooling **Ela:** So I just want to jump right in with a question. Why did you start homeschooling in the very beginning? I know that it's been a long process. You've learned a lot and you've jumped straight into the deep end. But why did you begin in the first place? **Dalena:** So I actually felt it's kind of like a calling. I just feel like it was something that really matches and aligns with my Christian faith. And I wasn't doing it to escape anything or because I wanted my kids out of public school or because I was necessarily worried about any other school situation. I was more really wanting time with my kids and time to really invest in them and share our faith with them and things like that. And it was never any idea that I had or a plan that I had. It was something that I just really felt like the Lord asked me to do for our family. And that was even before I was pregnant with my firstborn. So it was just a very interesting thing. I was not looking for it, not expecting it. I didn't even know homeschooling families. I didn't know anybody who had been homeschooled. So it was like a total surprise for me. **Ela:** How did you hop into it? And was there any familial pushback or anything that you had to fight against in pursuing this? **Dalena:** I didn't have familial pushback. I had the support of my family. My mother-in-law was a preschool teacher at the time. Both my parents have been teachers in both a Christian school environment and a public school environment. So we had professional certified teachers in the family, but they were really supportive of homeschooling and they have been all along, which has been a huge blessing. When I started, again, it was just like I had my firstborn. I have six now. So we've got six. I'm not homeschooling all of them currently. I'm homeschooling four of them. My other two are in high school here at a private Christian school in town. And they go to two separate schools actually. So we've got a whole mixture of things. But the way it started was just honestly like my daughter was three and I was doing the flash card thing and just starting with teaching her her colors and her numbers and letters and counting. And it seemed so natural. That's one of the things I just really want to encourage moms - we teach our kids so many other things. How to walk, how to care for their friends and their siblings, how to be respectful, how to be clean and orderly and have good manners. So why not carry that over into the academic side of things too? It's just kind of a natural thing. ### Her Approach to Homeschooling **Ela:** That's really, really cool. And what was your experience when you started learning about homeschooling? You said that you have a lot of family members that are teachers. So did you jump in with a lot of books or what was your initial approach to homeschooling and has that evolved? **Dalena:** So after I felt called to homeschool, like the Lord does when he asks you to do something, he provides a way and he gives the support that you need. And so I was just stepping out in obedience and I was just kind of like, I think this is what I need to do. And then he started bringing people across my path. It was like, I would meet these homeschooling moms. It's kind of like when you're shopping around for a car and then all of sudden you start noticing that same car everywhere and you've never seen that car before but you're like, yeah, that's the car I'm looking at or whatever. It was like that with homeschooling. Once the decision was made and that calling was there, I started noticing everything. All these people around me, it was like they were all just coming to the surface. So I would ask them questions and visit them in their home, meet up for coffee or whatever. And then there was a support group in Wichita at the time, and there was a great support group for homeschooling moms. And so I started when my daughter was just like teeny tiny, she was three. And that was a huge, great community and support and encouragement. **Ela:** And what's your approach to homeschooling? Are you very book focused? Are you very - do you pick curriculums and kind of stick to them or what is your approach to homeschooling? **Dalena:** I have definitely not picked one thing and stuck with it this whole time. With having six kids, every kid is different. What I thought was working really well for my older two, turns out like my third and fourth came along and it was just not working at all for them. And so I feel like homeschooling is just constantly pivoting, recognizing what the needs of our kids are, what the season is for our family, my bandwidth and capacity. I mean, you can imagine having six kids and having babies and toddlers and preschoolers and having them spread all across the age groups and the grade levels. I have lightened up in some areas during certain seasons. And I tell people I really, unfortunately I'm not gifted at teaching. Like I just don't feel like it's something that I do really well. But that's really what's driven me to seek help and to seek support and to reach out to others and find those tutors and start co-op classes so that other families can learn alongside my family and my kids. And so we'll hire teachers collectively and doing those sorts of things. Just constantly looking for the right fit, definitely not sticking with the same thing. ### Horse-Themed Learning **Ela:** What did your beginning look like? When you first started with your daughter and she started getting older, what kind of resources did you reach out to or create for her and bring together for her? **Dalena:** Yeah, so she was an avid horse lover. She wanted anything and everything to be about horses. And so I actually - and I did not do this for my other kids, but this was first born. I was like, okay, I can do this. But I created different cards and curriculum and all of her reading material, the stories that she would write, or her assignments would be really geared around her love for horses. And even I just remember having this chart I made with sticky horses as she was learning to count and to multiply. Everything was about horses and she was manipulating little horses instead of coins or this or that. And her flashcards, I had these A to Z flashcards and everything was having to do - like A was Andalusian and B was Bridle and C, who knows, Canter or something. And so it was really me. I love that about homeschooling. I really just caught the vision that this can be creative. We can design this to make learning come alive and be enjoyable for our kids. ### The Weekly Schedule **Ela:** I love that. And how do you schedule your days nowadays with six kids and four different homeschool kids? How do you figure out - do you start at the beginning of the year saying, okay, these are the subjects that I want to learn? Do you build it around subjects or what is your approach to scheduling? **Dalena:** So I build it around subjects, like we'll have to just have the main, the core subjects in there. And I really look for who's gonna help me do this. Who's available, who can I hire as a teacher for their science, or can I get them enrolled in this online math curriculum? And I really start curating their education plan based on number one, what they have to get done. Number two, what's available to me? What are the resources that I have, either locally in my community or online or collectively with other families? So that's kind of where I go. And then how our day looks - it's really interesting because we have a really great rhythm, but it's more of like our week. This is what our week looks like because every day honestly looks different. We have what our Monday plan looks like. So right now our kids are all home on Mondays and Fridays. And then Tuesdays and Thursdays they're home, but we invite other kids to come over and we have a micro school that meets in my home and we have hired a tutor to come and work with five kids together in my home. So those are our micro school days. And then on Wednesdays I started a co-op about eight years ago. And I was the director of it at the time, but I'm not directing it now, but I still help find teachers and coordinate that day and what that looks like. And so they've got that on Wednesdays. So I kind of love it. That works really well for me. After 13 years of homeschooling, I definitely - even before 13 years, I mean, five, six years into it - I was experiencing some burnout and kind of like, okay, I know I can't do this alone. And then what I know about myself, I know I'm not a really strong teacher. Like I don't feel like that's a gift that I have, but I know strong teachers. And I've been blessed by having amazing teachers in my life. And so I've been looking for those types of people who can pour into my kids. And I know that I do Mondays well and I do Fridays well. So I can start something strong and I can end it strong, but that in the week, my goodness, that's like really hard sometimes. So that's how we've figured out our weekly schedule. ### Taking Your Own Bandwidth Into Account **Ela:** That's really cool. Do you have most kids in the same types of extracurriculars as well, or are you kind of like mixing and matching? Because when you have a lot of kids, it definitely gets harder. And something that people don't often talk about, but I think you mentioned and is great to call out again, is the fact that as a parent, you have constraints too. Like your time, your energy, your effort. As much as we want to put every single thing into a kid, it is actually really good for you to make sure that you have everything you need to succeed as a parent as well. And adding that into your list of constraints - we have this many hours in a day, but I actually have this many good hours for me to give my kids. How do you do that, especially with so many kids and so many different schedules and priorities and extracurriculars? **Dalena:** So four of our kids are in basketball, and so that's great. It's all the same sport, but that means like all these different games. Some of our kids play on the same night of the week, and sometimes it's all spread out. There's that. My oldest daughter's into theater and dance, and then my youngest, he really hasn't picked up too many extracurriculars, which I'm okay with right now, because I know that will come. But yeah, as far as my own personal bandwidth and really needing to take that into account, I started a business about three, four years ago, and that was a new thing for our family. I had never worked outside of the home as long as we'd had kids. And so having me start up with traveling, lots of interviews and working with people, visiting other schools and things like that - that was a new thing. And so I really had to - I almost gave up on homeschooling. I thought, I don't think I can do this. But we looked at our options and we were really limited on school options. I really wanted to send our kids to a school that aligns with our faith and our values. But oftentimes those Christian schools are too expensive. They're not affordable or accessible when you especially when you have six kids. And so yeah, I didn't know what I was going to do. So really prayed for opportunities and additional resources and support. And that's when finding more tutors, actually, that's when Open Ed - finding Open Ed last year, as it came into Kansas for this school year has been a huge blessing, because it's provided some of the funds for those educational expenses that have really been helpful with our tutors and things like our laptops for our kids for their online courses and things like that. You have to take into account how much can you do? What are you doing this particular year? Are you working? And then maybe look at some creative ways to solve this scenario for your kids. If you want to keep them home, if you want to keep them in a school that's aligned with your faith, but you can't homeschool full time, what do you do? So that's why I'm incredibly passionate about the hybrid model of schooling - doing some online, doing some in-person at home and doing some elsewhere in a classroom setting. ### What the Hybrid Model Provides **Ela:** What for your family does the hybrid model give you? **Dalena:** Well, it gives me a huge break. It really helps me a lot. It helps me take a breather from doing all of the teaching myself and allows me to work part-time. And so that's been really helpful. It's also allowed our kids the opportunity - like we've always done a hybrid thing because we love to do school with our friends and we love to do classes and learning together and activities together. So whether it's co-op or inviting others to our home and doing micro schooling things, field trips together - that social element is huge. ### The Rise of Micro Schools in Kansas **Ela:** That's really, really cool and I love that. I think Kansas has some of the best options for hybrid schools and micro schools and it's like this little pocket that you would not necessarily imagine has all the options that it does. When did that start in Kansas? When did Wichita especially start having all the options that it does now? Were you kind of able to take a front row seat to all this change? **Dalena:** Yeah, it's been incredibly exciting. I know of a handful of small micro school founders who had started 15 years ago or longer. There were only like maybe two or three that had these really unique schools that were happening. But when COVID happened in 2020, that's really when we saw an explosion of this. We saw public school teachers who were leaving the traditional classroom who were saying, you know what, I can do something like this. I can work with kids in my home or I can start a pod school or I'm gonna lease some space and I'm gonna have a group of kids. And so that really started to take off in 2020. And what I thought was really interesting - so we have a network right now in Wichita, it's called WISE and it stands for Wichita Innovative Schools and Educators. And what I thought was really interesting is that there were these schools who were doing this, but they weren't really connected. Each of them thought that they were the only one. Like I didn't know anybody else who was just starting a school. But after I was kind of meeting them and connecting them to each other, we all found that there was this thriving, vibrant community. And so that's been really exciting. And now we have like a whole directory and we're getting ready to have an expo, kind of like a micro school fair in January where we'll just be kind of hosting all of these different schools and letting families know about the opportunities that exist. ### Finding the Right Fit **Ela:** That is awesome. And just for people that don't know, what is a micro school? What is a pod? You mentioned a couple of different things. And then I think something that's really hard for families is to try and understand - is this right for me? There's a lot of options out there. There's just full on homeschool. There's some sort of a hybrid approach. There's a type of private school that does different, maybe like a Monday, Wednesday, Friday situation or Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, you're off two days. How do you figure out what's right for your kids? Because it sounds like you've tried a lot of different things and you have four kids that you're homeschooling right now, two that are in a private Christian school. What is that trial and error process like for you and your family? **Dalena:** How you know what the right fit is - I guess you really just need to be open to exploring some options, but definitely evaluating how much time you want your kids to be home. If you need a five day a week school situation, then that's what you need if both parents are working full time. That's probably what you need is a five day week situation. I know some families that make it work and they'll even homeschool in the evenings. But where are your kids during the day if you're working full time? So that kind of determines for a lot of parents what they're able to do. But if there's at least one parent or a grandparent or someone who's able to be with the kids, then you have a lot more flexibility. Then you can decide, do I want my kids home three days and maybe they just go to classes two days a week? And then you look for those options. A lot of families, it's very common with homeschoolers to do like a one day a week co-op. And that's great. It's just never been enough for me. I think that one day a week is really good, but I really appreciate just having two extra days. For me personally, I get to have some time where I get work done. ### Trial and Error with Kids **Ela:** It's really cool to start with the question of - okay, who am I? Who am I as a mother? Who am I as a parent? What are the things that are important to me? And then who are my kids? And how do I create a system that fulfills everyone's needs? And then also a system that understands that sometimes we can't fulfill everyone's needs, but we will kind of evolve and adapt at different times. Do you usually have conversations with your kids before you make a jump? And what do those conversations look like? How do you determine - okay, we're gonna put these two kids into the private Christian school and I think they're ready for it? **Dalena:** Yeah, it really has been trial and error. It really has been just listening to our kids and not verbally what they're saying, just kind of picking up on - are they thriving? Is this working well for them or would a different situation or scenario or learning environment be what they need? For our daughter, our oldest daughter, once she became a freshman, we were still homeschooling her, but it just seemed like there were certain things with her homeschooling, co-op, just not meeting her needs the way it had all along. And it was still a great thing for her younger siblings. But once I realized she needs something different, we started to kind of look at our options. And it was something I never - honestly, it was kind of a hard situation. It was difficult because in a way, it felt to me at that time like this is a failure on my part that I haven't been able to meet her every need and provide - whether it's like trying to coordinate these classes and arrange these activities and do all these things. I knew that I wasn't able to challenge her personally where she needed to be academically. And so it just became a challenge to look for the right tutor or the right teacher who could do something virtually online. We're also really limited - we're in a small town in Kansas, and so we're really limited in our options. So that kind of led me to research school options that I had never considered before. And for her particularly, she's actually going to a Catholic school, and we're not Catholic. We're a Protestant family. But after really having conversations with her and visiting three different schools, we were like, I think this one might be the right fit. And when that's not what you anticipated and what you expected, you have to kind of just take inventory - how am I feeling about this? Am I okay? Are we gonna be okay? This is a different direction. So we did that. And then when my son became a freshman, it was the same thing. We tried homeschooling him as well and we worked in different classes. We were sending him to a local private school where he was able to take one class there and so that part-time option was really good for him, but I found that he just needed more and he needed to stay busier. That's kind of where we've gotten with our kids once they've been junior high and high school. I can start to see like they're getting done with their schoolwork pretty quickly. I can't fill their day with enough productive activities. And so now I'm sensing like they want to be on their screens more and they're doing unproductive things. So now we have to look for some different situations. We're signing them up in sports. Like my middle daughter, my youngest daughter, I signed her up for some home ec classes where a neighbor could teach her how to sew and bake and make candles and soap and things like that. But that can get really exhausting to be the one who's always as the mom looking for - how do I fill their day? How do I find these activities? How do we pay for it? All those things. And so sometimes a school situation, it's just the right fit at that time. So you really just have to take inventory and watch your kids, listen to your kids and see how they're doing. And then don't be afraid to experiment and try things for a semester. ### Pulling Her Daughter Out After Six Weeks **Dalena:** We actually sent our third daughter - so at the beginning of this school year, I had my oldest three in private Christian schools and my younger three at home. But it was just a quarter, so it was like six weeks into it, and I just knew that was not working for my daughter, my middle daughter, my third. And so she really hated the long days every day, five days a week. It was so exhausting for her to wake up at 6:30 to leave by like 7:15 and then she'd go to school until 3:30. Then she'd stay for basketball or volleyball practice or whatever afterwards. And she wasn't getting home until 6:30 and it was just too much. It was exhausting. And so we recognized that right away and we were not afraid to pull her out when we realized this was not a good fit for her. ### Her Older Two Thriving **Ela:** What things have been telling you that it has been going well for your older two? **Dalena:** Well, they've been thriving. For my son, you can really tell it's a great fit for him. He tells us, his teachers tell us, administration - we're hearing from the principal and his coaches and everybody. His name is Braden. He's been such a great fit in the school. He's got a strong friend group, his activities, and he's really stepped up. I can tell he's walked into and stepped into a level of leadership with his friends and with his class. I think he's class president actually. And he just started there last year. So this is his second year in. But it's been great and he loves it. He gets a little tired with the long school days too, but he's ready. He wakes up every day early, fresh, ready to go. Both of them have been excelling in academics. They've been doing really well. And that's made me feel good because as a homeschooling mom doing the things early on, you're kind of like - are they going to be prepared? If we transfer them into a school, how are they going to do? And then as you're thinking about your high schoolers graduating and then entering college if they want to go to college, you're kind of nervous about the whole thing, but it's been really good. ### Permission to Try and Fail **Ela:** That's really insightful and I think it probably is a really good thing for others to hear. Just the fact that it's okay to try things and if it's not working out, you'll figure it out pretty quickly, especially if you're paying attention. And it's okay to decide, you know what, this actually is not the right path. In the grand scheme of things, trying things and failing is actually really good. I know that we try to not fail. It's this cultural pressure to not fail, to not look like you made a bad decision, to not look like you misstepped, to always do things perfectly. But putting your kid into something new and to recognize okay, something's not working, something has to change, and to try to change - that is so valuable even if the first thing that you try is not correct, even if the second or third thing you try is not correct. I think that's so cool because then also now your daughter - the one that you decided to pull out again - now she has a frame of reference and the next time she actually wants to go to school, she'll ask. And giving her the experience to now be able to say, here are the things that I really like, here are the things that I don't like. I think a lot of kids grow up and they have really no understanding of what I personally like, what I personally don't like, what works for me, what doesn't, because for so long you do the things that people tell you to do, you check off the boxes, and it's that one size fits all model where you're just going along through it. And I think one of the most important things for adults is knowing what to say no to. And if you give her that experience early on where she can experience something and then she can realize that it's wrong for her and then she can stop it and choose a different path - that has lasting effects and I think that's amazing. ### Meeting Individual Learning Needs **Dalena:** Yeah, it's great. The other factor that comes into deciding things is really your student's academic capacity. We have some kids that really struggle with learning. Some of our kids, it was so easy to teach them to read. I didn't even feel like I taught them. They just caught it. And then there were the kids that you really had to break it down and do these intensive phonics studies and really break everything down for them and get additional help for them. And so you have to take those things into account as well. When you have a handful of kids, whether it's your own kids in a homeschool environment or in a micro school or in a traditional classroom, even teachers recognize - the thing about a traditional classroom is that oftentimes they are not able to adapt and meet the needs of each individual student. So I really love these creative learning environments - micro schools and hybrid schools and the flexibility that those allow in really offering an individualized curriculum and learning experience for each kid. ### Finding the Right Micro School **Ela:** Can you speak a little bit to that? And then also, there are lots of micro schools nowadays, but how do you find the one that fits your kid? **Dalena:** Yeah, it's really fun. For example, on our Wichita Innovative Schools and Educators website - [wisetogether.org](http://wisetogether.org/) - we have this directory and I really like it because there's different filters on there. You can kind of type in - are you focused on or wanting a nature-based curriculum or program? Are you wanting your kids in STEM or STEAM activities and programs? Do you like project-based learning? Are you looking for a classical education? So there's a lot of options and I think if you go about it with that perspective and you evaluate - what is it that matters most to me? What are the values as a parent that I want my kids to be experiencing with their school? And then you look for that. I visited so many different schools and some of them have been forest schools, for example, and these families are signing their kids up to be outdoors the entire time, rain or shine, snow or whatever. And there's not many of those here in Kansas, but I have visited some in Oklahoma and Michigan specifically that have been so cool. And as a parent, this is what I also like to tell parents because I'm also in the business of helping people start and launch these creative environments - if it's not there already, if it doesn't exist and you can dream it up, you can build it. You can truly build the school of your dreams for your family, for your kids, for your community. And that's what I'm really loving about this space. This innovative education is really taking off. There's tremendous opportunities. There's the Vela Education Fund that's investing in school founders as they're launching programs. And even curriculum is adapting now. I'm noticing some publishers are starting to cater not just to homeschooling families or traditional classrooms, but if you have a hybrid model or they're calling them cottage schools or whatever it might be. I just think things are changing. The landscape is changing and we have tremendous opportunity. We should definitely take advantage of this point in history where we are right now with the freedom that we have specifically here in Kansas. We have a lot of freedom to build creative learning environments. So I think that we should do it. ### Her Dream for Education **Ela:** I love it. I'm curious what your dream for education is. You've done a lot of activism and you've spoken a lot about education - more than just being a mom and a homeschool mom and doing this yourself. You have a lot of ideas about where education could go. What is your dream for education? **Dalena:** Well, I would love to see community schools, those one room school houses come back. I would love to see churches be more active in supporting. If they're not starting a school, then they're opening their doors for schools to meet there, or they're offering scholarships and support for families who are looking for these creative Christian learning environments. And we have another network, and this is where my dream and my passion is - my network is called HERO and that stands for Heartland Education Reformation Organization. And it's a network of Christian school founders. And again it's about finding and starting a school that aligns with your faith. So obviously being a Christian I'm going to be passionate about those specific types of schools and encourage people to start them because I know that there are families who are looking for that. So my dream for the future is that there's a school in every neighborhood, just like there's a church in every neighborhood. Sometimes there's like five churches in one small little community, on every block. So there's a prime opportunity there. And I feel like that's just one piece of the puzzle. It's really interesting to me that churches have classroom space. They'll oftentimes have playgrounds. They'll have a gym or fellowship hall, and they have this unused space where I feel like their facilities are underutilized. And that's a shame. And there's a prime opportunity for individuals, whether they're in the church or the community, to come together and to create a Christian learning environment that's gonna serve their families and their congregation and their communities. So that's the vision personally that I have for the future. I feel like Kansas is in this prime location. We are centrally located geographically. We're at the center of the U.S. and I really do feel like we can lead in this area if we can just help churches, pastors and parents to recognize this opportunity. ### Schools Closing Across Kansas **Dalena:** We also have in Kansas - I'm concerned because there's a growing trend. Not only is enrollment down in public school, they're closing schools everywhere. And that happened here in my local community about five years ago. We closed our local grade school. Families in rural areas or even in Wichita - they closed six schools last year, and I have heard that they're set to close an additional four this next year. So if churches recognize this, if everyday parents and business owners and community members will just recognize that there's this trend and families are looking for options - they're specifically looking for options that will align with their faith - then why don't we take this opportunity? Why don't we find a way and navigate this whole new opportunity and create what families want and what they need? **Ela:** That's quite interesting. Why is Kansas closing so many schools? **Dalena:** Enrollment is down. In Wichita alone there were over 50,000 students. Enrollment was over 50,000. Now it's closer to 45,000 and I believe that's happened in just the past five years. So that's a huge drop in enrollment. And what's interesting is that Wichita is the largest public school district in Kansas. So if it's happening in Wichita, I would imagine it's happening elsewhere. And if it's happening in Kansas, I imagine it's happening across the U.S. We're seeing that in headlines. So families are looking for different options. And some of the reasons why schools are closing is because they're just consolidating the smaller ones. To me, I feel like it's the opposite of what they should be doing. They're centralizing these locations and consolidating and closing down the smaller schools and putting kids on buses and they're sending them sometimes - they have to ride the bus two hours a day to get to their school. An hour there and an hour back. So even kindergartners are spending that much time on a school bus to get to their closest school that's going to serve them. And then they get to this school and there's thousands of kids there. And so I feel like there's a better way. I know there's a better way. So just looking for those opportunities - what can we do with these closed school buildings? What can we do with these church buildings that are on every street corner? What can families do? How can we help empower them and inspire them to get creative and to realize that they can really take education, they can own their education, they can run with it. So that's kind of what I'm passionate about, what I would love to see in the future. ### Top Resources and Recommendations **Ela:** That's awesome. As a closing question for you, I would love to hear some of your top resources that you're using with your family. What are the things that you highly recommend whenever families ask you - Dalena, what are your top resources for homeschoolers? What would you highly recommend that I try? Either curriculums or books or online things. **Dalena:** Yeah. So for our online math curriculum we use Teaching Textbooks, which has been a godsend. Anything that allows grading and assigning and all of the things to be done online, either through the program or through a teacher - that's what we're looking for. Earlier we had our kids in Veritas Press history and that was one of those things that again was really good for older kids, but it wasn't the right fit for our middle school kids. But I still really love it. The Good and the Beautiful has been a great curriculum, but I also feel like it's pretty - at least at the time when we did it, it was really parent intensive and I couldn't keep up with that. So we're looking for things that are going to be kind of all inclusive - have grading, assigning, checking, the lesson plans, all of it delivered online. I highly recommend that you find either retired teachers or college graduates or high school graduates. We have hired homeschool graduates who understand what the homeschool day looks like and who are interested in teaching some day. And so we're giving them this experience. Like maybe you can try this out and experiment here, maybe even develop a little bit of your own curriculum, get a feel for your lesson plans or just what the day would look like. So my top suggestions would be people. Find the people around you who can teach your kids something and who have some space in the day. Don't think it has to be a certified teacher because there are people, members in the community who want to teach a skill. That's really important. So looking for opportunities for trade skills and things like that. I mean, I guess that's kind of where we're at. I have used really good curriculum, but honestly, as I'm talking about it, it's like, we don't use that anymore. And it's because it was just maybe a little bit too labor intensive on me. So we're kind of going towards - find the people who can teach the classes and help me by grading them and assigning them, raising the bar, challenging my kids. And letting go of that expectation that I as the homeschool mom have to be doing everything myself. So it's been a learning process, but that would probably be one of my top recommendations for homeschool moms to think about - you can let go of some things. ### On "Outsourcing" **Dalena:** I know we don't like the term outsourcing. Sometimes it has a negative connotation, like you're just gonna outsource your kids or farm them out to this or that. Well, not exactly - I'm curating it thoughtfully, prayerfully, and intentionally based on our family's needs and each student and what they need. So don't allow that pressure or any sort of negative connotation to hold you back. As a homeschooling mom, it's very, very common for us to feel a lot of pressure and to feel a lot of responsibility and the weight of all of it being on our shoulders. And so my message would just be - it doesn't have to be on you. You're raising, you're nurturing, you're training your children in so many areas. You can let go of an academic subject and find someone who's really skilled in that and give yourself a little break there. ### Homeschool Burnout **Ela:** That's amazing. Quick follow up to that. You mentioned that you experienced homeschool burnout for a while and that led to you questioning whether or not you should even homeschool anymore. And I think that is way more common than we like to talk about. And I think the reason for it often is that as a mom, you feel the need to do it yourself. You feel the need to be super mom and fill in every single blank by yourself and to do it perfectly and to not fail. What was your experience with that? **Dalena:** Yeah, really it started early on. One thing I didn't mention is that my husband also travels quite a bit. So he was out of town sometimes one or up to two weeks out of the month. And I really was truly carrying a lot of the weight of doing everything. And so that idea of being the super mom who has to not only feed and clothe and bathe their kids and put them to bed and keep them all on track and get them to where they need to be - but then to also do the academics during the mornings was like, my goodness, this is exhausting. So early on, I actually reached out to doing things with some friends. And that's where it started with me. We called it - I called it my Weepy Wednesdays. Because we would start - I could start the week strong, and Monday is great. Tuesday's okay. But by the time Wednesday hit, it was just like, this is so hard. And I still have two more days of the week that I have to go. So I just really started small by inviting her to come and we would take turns teaching different subjects. And we had older kids and younger kids. And so one of us would be with the younger kids and we'd be entertaining them and keeping them busy while the other one was teaching the older kids their geography lesson or something in the room next door. But that burnout was real and it was hard. I acknowledge that. I think a lot of moms don't acknowledge that you are burnt out, you're exhausted. ### Coffee Talks and Therapists' Top Clients **Dalena:** One of the things I didn't mention - back in 2016, 2017, I started reaching out to homeschool moms in my area, in my community and opening my doors. I would host what we called coffee talks. And we would just invite - sometimes I'd have 30, almost 40 ladies in my home. And we had mentor moms who were long-term homeschoolers who had graduated some students already. And so they were there to offer support and mentorship. And then we'd have the new moms coming in. But one of the things that we would talk about - it was a very transparent gathering - we would talk about the hardships. And some moms were very open and said that they had health issues, or their marriage was suffering, or just different really personal things. And I've even talked to therapists who have said, number one clients are homeschooling moms. And so we really need to pay attention to that. We really need to be mindful of these moms and parents who are just trying to take on this huge responsibility of educating their kids. It's a lot. And so we need to offer grace, we need to offer space, tools and resources that are gonna come alongside them and support them in this work and let them know that they're not alone. They don't have to do it alone. They can look for others to help them and support them. And so I love to help coordinate that sort of thing, whether it's through helping them find a micro school, start a co-op, attend hybrid classes, whatever it might be. But think creatively so that you can avoid the burnout. And if you hit that point of burnout, it's okay. It doesn't mean that it's over completely. You can try something - maybe send a couple of your kids somewhere, lighten your load that way. Maybe reach out to other teachers and tutors or maybe go more online, whatever it's gonna look like. But it's okay. Things can shift and look different year after year, and sometimes even within the same school year. ### Closing **Ela:** I love that and I'm so glad that you said all that because again, this is not new. It would not surprise people to hear that many therapists see homeschool moms just because it is a huge burden. And it's beautiful. And it is so worthwhile. And that's what we're here to talk about today on this podcast - how beautiful it is, all the benefits of it, everything that comes with it and through it. And I think what I'm really grateful for is how in this conversation, you've given a lot of people the ability to say - what are my constraints again? And where am I okay building a village around me? I think that's one of the most unique and beautiful things that you have done uniquely - you've built a village of people around you that are able to educate your kids and that you trust and that you can bring into your kid's life for the things that you may not be good at, for the things that you may not want to do, for the things that someone else could do better. And the result is just this really comprehensive, amazing education for them. So I think that's awesome. Thank you so much again for coming on the podcast. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Where can people find you if they want to learn more or reach out? **Dalena:** Yeah, you can email me at [dalena@aimeducationks.com](mailto:dalena@aimeducationks.com). And you can also look through [wisetogether.org](http://wisetogether.org/) or [heartlandhero.org](http://heartlandhero.org/) and check out some of our websites that will help you get a taste for the micro school and homeschool options that are available in Kansas and just the overall movement. I'm happy to support you. You can email me and I'd love to connect. **Ela:** Amazing! Thank you so much! **Dalena:** Thanks, Ela. -